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More Than You Can Chew

January 16, 2011

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This story was written by Kassandra as a birthday present for barcardicider.

Warning: I don’t recommend that you read this story whilst eating or drinking.

Kass walked down the hallway, studiously tapping away at her tablet in preparation for the Trouble Triplets visit later that day. Stopping for a moment she glanced around to figure out where she was, a moment later turning down a dimly lit corridor. Looking back down at her tablet, she glanced up suddenly when a low rumble filled the corridor. Her eyes widened in shock as she dropped her tablet, staring at the object in front of her.


When Bar, Jayne and Mirth were beamed into the gate room a few hours later it was a barely ordered madhouse, the usual welcoming committee nowhere in sight. Suddenly Evan appeared on the stairs, his usual calm façade blown out of the water by the frustrated look on his face.

He ran a hand through his hair before speaking, “hey you guys, sorry about all this.” he gestured around the room.

The Trouble Triplets exchanged a glance before Bar spoke up. “What is going on anyway?”

Evan sighed before speaking, “Kass was supposed to be working in that lab out on the South Pier but she uh, disappeared a few hours ago….” He trailed off, looking at them.

“Disappeared?” Jayne asked, looking concerned.

“Yeah how’d she disappear?” Mirth questioned.

Evan rubbed his neck looking a little uncomfortable. “Well, we have no idea actually. We can’t find any sign of her in the city.”

Bar looked at the others, conducting a silent conversation. “We’ll help look for her.” She said decisively.

“Okay. We need all the help we can get.” Evan replied, turning to the door out of the Gate Room. “Come on let’s get you some gear.”


Bar glanced at Jayne across the opening before signaling that they should check out the dimly lit corridor. After a moment she stopped, staring down at the tablet on the ground before tapping her coms unit.

“Evan, Mirth I think we might have something here.” She said simply.

Evan’s voice came across the channel a moment later. “What do you have?”

Bar looked down at the tablet again before answering. “It’s Kass’ tablet, she can’t be far from here.”

“Okay, Mirth and I will be there shortly. Don’t move.” He said before clicking off the channel.

Bar leaned down to pick up Kass’ tablet. “So where…” she started to say when a low rumble echoed down the hallway.

Eyes wide Jayne looked at Bar. “Did you hear that?”

Bar nodded glancing toward where the sound had come from. “Let’s check it out.”

“But Evan said to wait for him!” Jayne exclaimed before realizing Bar had already headed down the hallway. “Wait for me!” she cried before racing after her friend.


Evan growled softly when he and Mirth finally reached the corridor.

“I thought I told them not to move!” he muttered quietly.

Mirth just snorted. “Right. This is Bar and Jayne. Have to use…” she never finished the sentence as a scream pierced the air.

Evan and Mirth took off running down the hallway. A moment later they nearly ran into Jayne and Bar in front of an open door.

They all stood there staring for a moment before Mirth recovered her voice. “Is that what I think that is?” she murmured.

Jayne nodded her voice soft, “I thought they were only rumor.”

Bar for her part giggled in glee as she stared at the creature within the room.

Evan shook his head as he watched the three women.

Suddenly from behind the monstrous thing Kass’ voice could be heard.

“Could someone get me out of here already?!” she pleaded.

“Kass is that you?” Evan asked, shocked.

“No, it’s a leprechaun with a pot of gold you nut job.” Kass replied sounding exasperated.

Without warning, the creature rolled to one side, making a growling noise that caused the Triplets to back up a step. Evan looked at it for a moment before pulling out his sidearm.

Bar glanced over and saw what he was preparing to do. “NO!!!” she screeched. “You can’t shoot the giant wagon wheel!”

“And why not?!” he growled as he looked at her, 9mm at the ready.

“Because it won’t do any good.” Bar replied matter-of-factly.

“But we have to do something!” Jayne said, Mirth nodding in agreement.

Bar rolled her eyes, pulling her backpack off and starting to rummage through it. “Hang on I’ve got just the thing in here.” She muttered and kept digging.

The others stood staring at her, exchanging glances. Evan finally muttered softly. “This better be good.”

Finally Bar stood up holding a container with a white liquid.

“What is it?” Mirth asked, incredulously.

“Milk!” Bar exclaimed as she removed the top. “Now clear out so I can get rid of this sucker” she said with a determined look.

Unsure what else to do the other three ducked out of the room leaving Bar with the giant wagon wheel. A moment after they were clear Bar rushed toward the creature and shoved the container of milk as deeply into its chocolate skin as she could, then dived for the door.

Bar was barely clear of the doorway when a loud pop was heard and marshmallow and biscuit chunks flew out of the door. Bar just grinned like a mad woman. “Okay it should be clear now.” She said before moving to head back into the room.
Evan glanced at Mirth and Jayne with a shrug before preceding Bar into the creatures lair.

Kass stood on the far side of the room, glaring at them as they walked in, covered from head to toe in a sticky mess of chocolate, marshmallow and biscuit.
“Are you okay?” Jayne asked cautiously as she stayed a fair distance from her friend.
“I’m fine, but next time you decide to blow up a giant wagon wheel, don’t use the milk bomb!” she exclaimed turning her glare on Bar.

“But at least we saved you!” Bar replied with a grin.

Evan chuckled and shook his head. “We better get you cleaned up and checked out by the infirmary.” He said, winking at Kass.

Mirth remained strangely silent as she collected pieces of the giant wagon wheel to analyze later.

A few minutes later the five of them trooped silently out of the room, carefully avoiding touching anything. They realized that Mirth was not walking with them and turned round to see her doing something complicated to the Door Lock, “Something Rodney taught me,” she said bashfully. She stood back to admire her work, “There, no one should be getting in there anytime soon.”

“Why shouldn’t they get in there,” Lorne asked, worry flooding his voice, “It’s not dangerous to breath in there or anything, is it?” he asked, moving over to his wife to hold her close.

Mirth looked at him, smiling, “No, nothing like that. We just don’t want anyone else to get their hands on our chocolate stash.”

“You can’t eat that!” Lorne responded, tensing. “You’ve no idea what created that, what if it affects you all too.”

Mirth rolled her eyes, “Well, that’s why I took the samples to make sure it’s edible first.”

Lorne watched the way all three eyed the box with the large chunks of Wagon Wheel inside. He grabbed the box, “I’m not sure I trust you with this.”

Mirth grabbed it right back, “I know I don’t trust anyone with this,” she said as she hugged the box close to her chest with a look of outrage on her face.

Lorne went to grab it back but found Mirth had a stronger hold on the box now and it was just passing backwards and forward in the air between them with no actual winner. He suddenly realized that any one of his Marines could walk round the corner and find him having a tug of war with Mirth over a box of chocolate. He would never live it down and it was that more than anything that made him give up as Mirth took control of the box and wound her arm around it. “Fine,” Lorne said, “but I’m accompanying you to see Radek. To make sure you arrive with the same number of chocolate pieces you left here with.”

Mirth rolled her eyes and looked at Jay and Bar. “He’s a little worrier isn’t he?”

Jay responded, “When it comes to you and chocolate we are ALL little worriers……although normally we’re just wondering if you’re gonna leave us any.”

The Triplets broke into laughter. “Oh very funny,” Mirth responded. She turned to Lorne, “Shouldn’t you take Kass to the infirmary, just in case she has Mallow-itis or something?”

Lorne looked torn, glancing between the Triplets with the chocolate and Kass with god knows what lurking underneath all that goo. Kass smirked and turned to Mirth, “That was a very underhanded tactic.”

Mirth shrugged, smirking wide as she answered. “All’s fair in chocolate wars.”

Kass placed a hand on Lorne’s bicep, gaining his attention instantly. “We can all walk to the infirmary and we can ask Radek to meet us there,” she said, staring pointedly at Mirth.

Mirth pulled up an innocent face, “Didn’t I say I wouldn’t go,” she turned to the other two Triplets, “did I?”

The other two shook their heads, smirks pulling at the edges of their mouths as they shook their heads, “No, no you didn’t.”

They all traipsed to the infirmary. Lorne had called Radek to meet them in the infirmary, giving him a quick rundown of the incident as they went. Keller gave Kass a quick check over before taking her away to get her cleaned up. Lorne paced the entire time. He stopped short when Radek came racing into the infirmary. “Everyone is okay, yes? I am so sorry. I went to check on a simulation and was only going to be gone five minutes and then we were called into help search for Kass and it never occurred to me.” His eyes searched the infirmary frantically, “Tell me Kass is okay. Nothing has happened to her because of me.” He hand clutched at his heart and he still roved the beds as if she might be hiding under one of them.

Lorne placed a hand on his arm and Radek visibly flinched, “Radek, it’s okay. She’s out back cleaning up. Are you saying you are responsible for that giant Wagon Wheel?”

Radek nodded, backing up as far as he could, given that his arm was still in Lorne’s grasp. His eyes watching Lorne’s every move warily. “We were looking into ways of extending our food. We make it larger then it lasts longer and we can also use up less room on Daedalus and use the room for medical supplies and computer equipment.” He paused, just watching Lorne’s reaction.

Evan was about to say something when Kass reappeared from behind a curtain, clad in a pair of infirmary scrubs. “Okay now that I’m cleaned up why don’t we go home?” she asked, glancing at the assembled crowd.

The Triplets exchanged a look at the comment, grinning amongst themselves.

“Sure that sounds good.” Jayne said with a smile.

Mirth nodded, “Yeah we’ll just see you for dinner?” She asked grinning.

Evan glanced at Kass then back at the Triplets. “Yeah we’ll see you for dinner.” He turned to look at Radek. “As for you…since Kass seems to be okay, I forgive you for making giant Wagon Wheels.” He said with a chuckle.

As they left the infirmary, Bar took a last look toward the South Pier and wondered what the chance of finding a giant cream cake was, ah well, she could dream.

The End

One Comment leave one →
  1. penny permalink
    January 17, 2011 7:36 am

    I hope Mirth shares the giant wagon wheel with Jayne 😀
    Brilliant fic, nice to see the TTT have a staring roll :p :p

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